What's the craziest thing you've done for a friend?
Thoughts from two decades of big emotions and loving friendships
I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship lately. Especially about how they serve different purposes to different people and also at different points in time.
As an only child growing up in a large home - parents, grandparents, the occasional aunt/uncle/cousin/family friend joining in every few years - friends were quite simply the only folks my age I could discuss the burning questions of childhood with:
What’s your favourite colour?
Will Kai choose the dark side?1
Which is the ideal pen for pen fights?
Why physics gotta suck so hard?
When are Castle and Beckett going to realize they’re perfect for each other? (who’s going to tell little Sruthi that the will-they-won’t-they dynamic was the only reason the show kept us hooked)
I was pretty happy-go-lucky growing up, content to be lost in my own made up world of books and cartoons and the sole reason I engaged with the real world were my friends. My deepest gratitude to you ambiverted and extroverted souls who drew me out of my shell and showed me there’s nothing quite like laughing together at a very poor joke while the rest of the class looks on questioning our sanity.
I have my friends to thank for many hobbies and interests that continue to bring me joy even today. Hell, I have my friends to thank for helping me develop life skills that I use at my job everyday - J., I learnt I’m actually half decent at working hard and getting good grades because I thought being your friend meant I needed to be “on the same level” as you in 8th grade; M., I got over my fear of public speaking because I couldn’t bear the thought of letting you down in that moot I knew you wanted to win as your swan song.
Friendship can look like many things, and my Instagram highlight reel of friendship probably looks like a mash up of the following (set to whatever random song is trending at the moment for maximum visibility)2:
An emergency walk at 2:00am while you listened to me have a mental breakdown about another friend’s breakup in the middle of placement season. You didn’t know this friend existed, you didn’t even know why I called. I panic called asking if you were free and you were waiting at our usual meeting spot 15 minutes later.
Humouring me when I wanted to wish my office crush for his birthday but was so tongue tied I’d forgotten 22 years of, well, being a functioning human being, and needed to be coached on how to walk up to another person and say “Happy birthday! Hope you have a great year ahead. What plans do you have for the day?”3
Taking the first of many bad trips that year when we realised we weren’t in the same housing block even though we’d strategically applied to the worst block hoping it would maximise our chances of getting into #snekSV and then making lofty promises to eat together at least once a day.
Actually following through and having at least one meal together every single day on campus and running each other through every little thing that happened that day, to the extent something wasn’t real unless I’d told you it happened.4
When I asked if you had a favourite coloured mug out of your tea mugs (my passion for discovering people’s favourite colour continues two decades on) and you said the blue one and then poured me tea in the blue mug every time after.
The strength of constant presence and reassurance, whether that was singing Nenjukkul Peidhidum in the school auditorium together to express our love for Suriya (even if it were to a largely confused English-only audience) or texting every half hour reminding me to breathe when I was at a movie theatre with people I suddenly felt unsafe with.
Sustaining a long distance friendship with exactly the same level of emotional intimacy as when we were in the same city - more calls, more coordination, more texts (even though you don’t like to text), more intentional plans - the human version of the saying “if it matters to you, you’ll find a way”.
Weaving in an out of my life for as long as I’ve been alive. I can’t think of too many people who are still best friends with their first (ever!) friend and even though I see you once every couple of years (if we’re lucky), I know that you love eating free food at your new office canteen5 and you know that I made a special shower playlist to commemorate my first shower after the fracture cast got removed.
Even this is just a small snippet of the hundreds of memories that came to mind as I wrote this post and I just picked and chose one at random while filing away fifteen other memories as being too personal / too wholesome / too painful / too silly but each of them filled with just as much they-did-that-for-me?-that’s crazy! as the ones I wrote about.
You guys rock my world. I would not be me if you didn’t walk/stroll/crash/headbutt into my life when you did and taught me so, so much about the power of human connections, about possibilities, and about myself!
To the ones who left - I am slowly learning that our friendship was no less meaningful because it had an expiry date. You continue to be a part of me in the qualities I learnt from you and in the qualities I admire in others because they remind me of you. With the part of my heart that once bore immeasurable love for you, I wish you well.
To the ones who are still around - when I count my blessings, I think of you. Thank you for being my chosen family. I hope I can be as good a friend to you as you are to me.
With love and eternal gratitude,
Sruthi
Special shoutout to Beyblade kids :’)
à la kanda poha recipes set to Srivalli
I rehearsed saying this with you twice and made you keep an eye on me as I walked up to him. You’re a saint, really.
Bonus points for the days of sharing overripe elakki bananas en route to the exam hall
OC la saapadu saapdardhu oru thani sugam thaan ya, a.k.a. eating free food hits a different kind of pleasure spot